Drift & Die
by Exes and Ohs. 2
Summary: (*DONE*)Harry's been in St.Mungos since an accident six months ago.He remained,though,for psychiatric help,because of the death of both Ron and Voldemort.Hermione tracks down a much changed Draco to help Harry.R/R!Slash intended.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Draco, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Sirius or any of the HP characters, including St. Mungos. I do, however, own Tony and uhh..whoever else is mentions in this story. I don't own the song - Puddle of Mudd does. It's a great song, go download it. It's called Drift and Die.

**Warning:** Intended slash. No actual snogging, I think..some language - 'bitch', 'ass', etc..

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_*~Forgotten thoughts of yesterday _

Through my eyes I see the past*~

"He's so cold looking."

"I see that, mudblood."

"Look, are you here to help or not? Honestly, how did you get this job again?"

"I got it because I sucked off Fudge."

"Stop it, Malfoy. Are you going to help him? After all, it's your fault he's like this." Hermione asked, shivering and rubbing her hands across her arms, watching Harry through a glass window.

"It's never my fault." Draco replied coolly, leaning against the window frame, studying his soon-to-be patient.

"Then why is it that he's been like this since it ended?" Hermione whispered, and Draco rolled his eyes.

"Well, uh, maybe because his best friend died?" Draco asked sarcastically. "Oh, no! I'm sorry. That was _before_ the break up. Oh, you're right! It _is_ my fault."

"Okay, fine." Hermione dropped her arms, turning her back to the window. "Give up on him, alright? I can go find some other shrink to help him out. I just figured since, you know, you were closer to him than anyone else was, it would be easier for all of us. I guess I was wrong, since you haven't changed at all."

Inside, Harry's head turned to the window, watching the two people outside in the hallway. The tall, light brown haired man, who had his back turned to the window. Harry noted slightly that his black suit fit nicely. The woman, he knew her, definitely. She hadn't changed in all these years. She still had her wild looking hair that puffed out. She had her back to the window too. Sighing, Harry started rocking back and forth on the padded floor, his eyes staring ahead of him, unfocused.

"No, I do want to help him." Draco said quickly, reaching out and grabbing Hermione's arm to stop her from moving. "I really do want to help."

Hermione studied him, noting how much he had changed. He had silver rimmed glasses, his bright blue eyes staring intently at her. The glasses and color of his eyes was from a fatal accident a few months back from when one of his patients had pulled their wand on him. There wasn't any hope except for magically changing his eye structure, forcing him to get glasses. He hated the platinum blonde look, so he dyed his hair a light brown, keeping it cut professionally. His attitude was the only thing that hadn't changed.

"If you wanted to help him, why didn't you come sooner?" Hermione asked in a quiet voice, looking down at her feet. "He's been like this for years. It's getting worse. The doctors are afraid he'll never snap out of it."

"How long has he been in here?" Draco asked, turning back to the window, watching as Harry rocked himself, shaking his head every few seconds, as if arguing with himself.

"About five or six months. At first, I was living with him, after graduation. He'd have these kinds of days once in a while. It never was serious, so I never said anything about it. But after a while, the days came more often. When I brought him in, he had been hurt pretty seriously. Got caught in front of the Knight Bus." She shuddered, thinking about that night. "The scariest time of my life, I think. We all thought he'd die.."

"Does he ever have days where he's normal?" Draco asked, and Hermione nodded slightly.

"Once every few months. I'm never here for those normal days. Work calls me in at the wrong time." She sighed, narrowing her eyes in disgust for her boss. "Sirius was here last time. He said that Harry was back to his old self. So..full of life. God, I wish I could've been there." Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back.

Draco sighed and remained silent as he watched his ex boyfriend in the cell. Harry's black hair had grown until they were just below his ears. Not the best look for him, but it would do.

"I'll start my sessions Monday." Draco said, making up his mind. "I want him to be clean, though. His hair cut, glasses back. I want his wand with him, also."

"What?" Hermione asked, and Draco turned to her, his blue eyes piercing into hers.

"Don't argue with me, Ms. Granger. This is how I like to have my patients when they come to see me. As if they were any normal person." Draco blinked, keeping her gaze before pushing past her, leaving the hallway.

_*~Well I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why _

I believe in the truth, from inside 

Go away, go away, go away from me 

Leave me alone*~

Draco fixed his tie and jacket so that they were straight, rolling his neck nervously. He took off his glasses, smirking to himself. When he and Harry had been together, he'd tease Harry constantly for having glasses. Now that he had them himself, he felt bad.

"Good morning, doctor. Mr. Potter has been brought in for you already. He's waiting." The guard, Tony, said, standing in front of a thick door. Inside the room, certain spells (The Killing Curse, for instance) couldn't be used. Ever since Harry defeated Voldemort, they had been able to come up with all kinds of reverses for all the Unforgivable Curses. Most, anyway. The Killing Curse couldn't be reversed, only prevented.

"Thank you. I won't be needing protect, however. I feel that my patient can stop himself from attacking." Draco replied, sliding his glasses back on, taking out a tape recorder. "Patient 104, Harry Potter, St. Mungo's, session one."

"I don't think that'll work in the room, doctor."

Draco patted the man on his chest. "It will, Tony, it will." 

"You're a lucky one, doc." Tony said, opening the door. "You got him on a good day."

Draco nodded, shaking nervously. He took a deep breath, then entered the room. Harry sat, slouched in his chair, staring at the door intently. In his hand was a lighter, and he kept opening the top, then closing it, lighting it, then closing it. (A/N: Haven't you seen those silver ones? i love them).

"Good morning." Draco nodded at Harry, sitting down across from him. He had a bad idea about this.

"Mornin, doc." Harry said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. His cold green eyes stared at Draco hard, taking everything in.

"Before we get started, I'm going to turn on this sound recorder. It's a muggle device, used for-"

"I know what it is." Harry cut him off, flipping the lid back and lighting it up, before closing it. His other arm rested on the back of the chair lazily.

"Okay.." Draco realized this really was a _bad_ idea. He pushed 'record', and sat it down on the metal table. "Harry, -"

"_Mister Potter_." Harry hissed, and Draco blinked, dumfounded, before nodding slightly.

"Mr. Potter, I am Draco Malfoy. You may call me whatever you please -"

"How about extremely cocky son of a bitch?" Harry asked, sitting upright, letting the lighter drop to the metal table. He reached for his wand, waving it in the air as smoke billowed from the tip.

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Potter." Draco replied calmly. He had expected it to go something like this. "The only cocky one in this room, however, is you. If you don't want me to speak to you, that's fine."

Harry continued to study him, his lips pursed together in thought. He sighed, falling back in his chair, holding his wand tightly. "Why'd you change your hair color?"

"I changed a lot since we broke up." Draco replied coolly. Harry kept his eyes locked on him. "You do remember that, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Harry spat, throwing his wand onto the table with a crash. "Why wouldn't I remember it? That was the hardest time in my life, you know. And you abandoned me!"

Draco remained silent. This was good that he was speaking. Unfortunately, Harry picked up on it, and folded his arms across his chest, going quiet again.

"Do you remember what you think about on your bad days?" Draco asked softly, leaning forward. Harry closed his eyes momentarily, before they flew back open and he stared deep into Draco's eyes.

"I think about you and me. Ron and..and You-Know-Who. Sirius, my father, Remus..everything." Harry answered, his voice low and quiet.

"Would you mind telling me about it?" Draco's question seemed to hit a sore spot. Harry shook his head. "Why not, Mr. Potter?"

"It's too painful." Harry's response puzzled Draco, and it obviously showed on his face. "I think about it every day, reliving Ron's death, immediately following the break up. It's hard to think about right now."

"What about Sirius? Ms. Granger has told me -"

"Her name is still Miss Granger? She never got married?" Harry asked, wonder etched in his face. "Why hasn't she married?"

"I can only assume because she hasn't found the right person." Draco shrugged. Harry reached across the table and grabbed the glasses off of Draco's face. Draco's eyes closed momentarily, his pulse racing, before he opened them again.

"You always were into the silver thing, weren't you?" Harry turned the glasses over in his hand, squinting through his own glasses. Draco remained silent, studying Harry.

Harry's black hair had been cut, the hair on his face shaved off. He looked like a kid, except for the fact that he wore the hideous flowered pants and long sleeved shirt. By his shoulder, his name had been stitched into the fabric. His eyes, though, were probably the only thing that hadn't changed, along with his black glasses.

"What happened? I heard something through the grape vine, but it was a bad day, so it didn't register right." Harry said, handing the glasses back over, seemingly untroubled by the fact that his ex boyfriend was right there.

"One of my patients tried to throw a Deletrius spell on me." Draco replied casually. "It hit my face, seeping into my eyes immediately. Almost blinded me. My eyes were too destroyed to be completely fixed. The doctors did the best they could, but I was left like this."

"That sucks." Harry picked up his lighter again, flipping it open. "How have you been? I don't know how much time has passed since I was hit by the Bus."

"I've been fine, Mr. Potter." Draco snapped, losing his temper. "I believe this is a session for you."

"It is. I want to know about how you have been." Harry said with a shrug. "If you're uncomfortable with that, then fine."

Draco clicked off the sound recorder and stood up. Without another word, he left the room, his pulse racing. He couldn't do it. He couldn't face Harry.

_*~Ignorance spread lies _

How much will money buy 

Well I'll take my time 

As I drift and die~*

Draco collapsed onto his couch that night after throwing his suit jacket on the back of his chair. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and loosened his tie, throwing his arm over his eyes and sighing. It had been a long day. After his session with Harry (_Mr. Potter_. Draco scoffed), he had to go to his _other_ clients, who weren't messed up half as much as Harry was. Listening them drone on and on in his office about their marriage problems and fantasies. The only one who had been really having problems was Fred Weasley.

_The anniversary is coming up." Fred sighed, putting his head in his hands, shaking his head._

"I know." Draco stood from his chair, moving over and sitting next to Fred. "If you want, you know, you can stay at my house that night."

"Nah." Fred forced a smile, shaking his head. "I can't impose."

"Sure you can. I don't live with anyone besides my house elf." Draco told his patient. Well, patient wasn't really what Fred was. More like a friend. "Of course, if you don't want to, I don't have to force you to. It would be nice, though, if I spent that night with a friend myself."

So that was it. Draco invited Fred and his wife to stay the night on July 31. Only a week away.

_I should visit Harry that day._ Draco thought, drifting off to sleep, still in his work clothes.

_Draco dropped his books on the hallway table, his broom leaning against it. He dropped his jacket on the hook in the wall before slowly walking toward his study. Not his study; he never kept his stuff in there. Harry's study. Draco scowled, going over the conversation over and over in his head. He pushed open the door and saw Harry sitting next to the fire, his head dropped onto his shoulder as he stared into the flames. The light flickered over his pale face. Draco barely noticed._

"Harry, I don't think this is working out." Draco said bluntly. Harry moved his head and looked up at Draco, startled, his crushed black velvet robes shimmering in the fire light.

"What?" Harry asked, blinking quickly. His eyes were bloodshot, but Draco decided it was the new contacts he was trying out.

"Us." Draco replied wearily. "You and me. It isn't working."

"Wait, where am I supposed to stay?!" Harry stood up, challenging Draco.

"With Ron, I suppose." Draco shrugged, and Harry's lip quivered. "Why not?"

"I hate you. You filthy piece of..I hate you." Harry's hand shook as he ran it through his hair before leaving the study.

Draco watched the retreating figure momentarily before turning and waving his wand. They only lasted a little over a month in the house together. Harry's things were piled into boxes in the room within minutes. Draco eyed the near-empty room before leaving, unaware of the fact that it was Harry's birthday.

_*~Ignorance spreads lies _

How much will money buy 

Well I'll take my time 

As I drift and die~*

Draco stepped into Harry's cell, his black shoes sinking slightly into the soft floor. Harry remained sitting up against the corner of the room, his knees pulled to his chest and his head shaking every few seconds. Tony shut the door quietly, leaving Draco with his patient. Today the doctors couldn't get Harry to leave the cell, which meant Harry wasn't well enough to use his wand or have anything. Draco silently agreed.

"Mr. Potter?" Draco asked softly, kneeling down in front of Harry. Harry looked up quickly, backing up against the wall more. "No, no, it's alright. Do you remember me?" Harry nodded slightly. "Who am I?"

"D-Draco." Harry whispered before throwing his arms around Draco's neck. Draco fell back into a sitting position while Harry clung to him.

"Mr. Potter? If you don't mind.." Draco tried to remove Harry's hands. Not because he didn't like it, because he really did. He had missed it. But for the sake of his job. If anyone caught wind that they had been together like this.. "Mr. Potter? Please, we mustn't -"

"I've waited so long for this." Harry said, pulling back and sitting cross legged in front of Draco. "I wondered when you'd take me back."

"No, Mr. Potter -"

"Why are you calling me that?" Harry asked with a grin. "Just call me Harry."

"Okay.." Draco fixed his tie, rolling his neck nervously. "You do know why I am here, right?"

"Yeah." Harry sighed, frowning. "Hermione told you to do it. She thinks I'm crazy, like everyone else."

"Of course she doesn't." Draco said, eyeing Harry suspiciously. "Harry, could you tell me why you're here?"

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**Authors Note:** This is Part 1 of two parts in this story. It's a long short story! Yay!

I'd appreciate much notes, too.

**Next Part:** 'Said' 

**Part Two Update:** Monday, April 15, 2002 (*most likely*) 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters except Tony. I own the plot. Nothing else. The song, 'Said', is by Puddle Of Mudd. They're the new Nirvana of the 21st Century, fool.

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*~_Emotionless I slip into the black _

There's no turning back now 

Everyone around me smoking crack 

This tunnel is blinding~*

*~Flashback: July 31st, a month and a half after graduation; early in the day~*

Harry rolled out of bed, aware that Draco had already gone away for class. He yawned and wondered if he should just go back to bed, since he had no reason to be up. The thought disappeared, though, when he decided he really needed a shower. He slid on his crushed black velvet robe over his boxers and started to leave the bedroom. 

On his way down the hall, he passed Hedwig's perch, that had been put into the wall. Beside it was the mailbox, full of letters. Harry yawned again and pulled them out, going through them. Magazine, newspaper, bill, bill, letter from Hermione, letter from Lupin, a few letters from Lucius. Mostly crap mail. Harry dropped the letters back into their spot, petting his owl before continuing down the hall toward the staircase. Portraits whistled at him, just like they did every morning. It was getting pretty old, but Harry smiled anyway.

He stopped in the bathroom before going into the kitchen, putting his contacts in. He studied himself with a scowl before shutting off the light and going into the kitchen. The radio was on, an unfamiliar song playing, but Harry shut it off, not listening to it. Draco _always_ left things on. One of Draco's books were lying on the counter, opened. Harry walked over and read the first sentence.

"In psychiatry, a person's perception of other's lives are often argued with other doctors in the business.."

"What bull." Harry rolled his eyes, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out one of Draco's small cups of pudding. "God, he's such a five year old." Harry mumbled to himself, opening a drawer and pulling out a spoon. He sauntered over to the living room and fell into the couch, flipping on the TV.

The fire turned green, and Harry looked up, expecting to see Draco coming back from his classes. Instead, Dean Thomas rushed in, wheezing and trying to catch his breath, while saying things frantically.

"Accident..Ron..explosion..office.." 

Harry raised an eyebrow and held out his cup. "Pudding?"

Dean shook his head, grabbing Harry's arm and trying to pull him up. "There was an accident at the office. Someone dropped a new potion we were working on and it blew up." Dean breathed heavily, his hands on his knees. He looked up. "Ron got caught."

*~End Flashback~*

*~_Hallucinating I'm debating life _

But it's still moving forward 

If I could change the hands of time 

Well, I'd do it better~*

"Oh..Harry.." Draco said softly, reaching out to touch Harry. Screw his job; Harry was still upset over this.

"Today's my birthday, isn't it?" Harry asked, looking up, tears pooled in his eyes. "Ron's anniversary."

"Yeah, it is." Draco answered, his hand touching Harry's face lightly.

"Happy birthday to me." Harry said sarcastically, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Can I tell you something?"

"Well, yeah, I'm your.." Draco was about to say 'doctor', but thought better of it, "friend."

"I don't really have to be in here." Harry quietly said, keeping his eyes locked on the floor. "I act like I do..because I'm afraid of leaving and going out there, " Harry waved his hand toward the door, "Afraid that I'd run into you along the way and end up miserable forever. Afraid I won't be able to make it without my best friend. Basically, afraid to live."

Draco hesitated before nodding. "You know, when I saw you last week, I could tell you were faking it. I didn't say anything to anyone, since no one would've believed me anyway."

"That's why I was acting like I was. I knew you could see through it.." Harry whispered, a tear falling from his eye onto the white floor.

"Do you like it here, Harry?" Draco asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I liked it better when I lived with you." Harry answered, biting his lip thoughtfully. "But, I'm fed here, and showered. I get this nice room to sleep in. Couldn't ask for more."

"Why don't you check yourself out? They can't force you to stay here, you know." Draco said, wanting desperately to touch Harry's hand so he knew that he was there. Technically, he wasn't even supposed to be counseling people he used to date.

"Like I said, I'm afraid of what's out there." Harry repeated, running his hand through his hair. "The Ministry thinks I've lost it completely. I doubt they'd want to hire me for anything. I have no idea what Hermione thinks -"

"She wants you back." Draco cut him off. "She came to me, hoping I could help you."

Harry nodded with a sigh. "That sounds like her."

They sat in silence for a while. Draco racked his brain, trying to think of something to say. "Hey, Harry, if you wanted to check yourself out, you can. I have extra room in my house, still." Harry shook his head. "No? Well, you should do it anyway. Fred's coming over tonight."

"Really?" Harry's eyes lit up, and he searched Draco's face to see if he was telling the truth. "Why?"

"It's the anniversary. You know, he's one of my best friends, surprisingly." Draco laughed a little. "He's one of my patients, too. He and his wife. Fred got emancipated after Ron died."

"He..he what?" Harry gasped, "He left his family? Why?"

"Too painful for him. You know, he saw the accident. It was really hard on him. He just..left his family right after you got admitted here." Draco paused, before staring at the floor also. "He came to me for help at that time. I admit, " He looked up into Harry's eyes, "I've changed a lot since you left."

"Yeah? So have I." Harry picked up one of the sleeves of his shirt before tossing it aside again. He fell back against the wall, staring at the ceiling and sighing. "This is pathetic, isn't it?"

"Hmm?" Draco asked, looking up at the ceiling too. Harry sighed again.

"How I'm pretending to be mental, just to avoid you, and fate brought you back here anyway."

Draco opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He had no idea what to say to that, so he remained silent.

"You don't have to say anything." Harry said with a shrug. "I was just thinking out loud."

Still clinging to the excuse of doing his job, Draco racked his brain again for something else to say. He really wanted to keep their conversation going.

"Doctor?" Tony stuck his head in, and Draco looked up sharply. "Time's up."

Harry went back to rocking himself, keeping his eyes locked on the ceiling. Draco stood up and looked down at his patient again.

"I think we're done with our sessions." Draco said, more to himself and Tony than Harry. "Good luck, Mr. Potter."

*~_Just walk away _

Fearless I have fell into a trap [A/N:though it should be 'fallen', he says fell..soo..] 

_And there's no way around it _

Everyone is crying in the back 

My kin is around me~*

*~Harry's Flashback - August 4th; Four days after Ron's death~*

Hermione's arm was practically glued around Harry's shoulders as she silently cried. Harry stood numbly, his eyes glazed over as he wavered slightly, but keeping his stance. Beside him was George, along with his family. Everyone except Fred. Harry didn't bother to ask where he was - it hadn't really crossed his mind. The only thing on his mind was Ron, and the few thoughts he had that weren't about Ron were of either Hermione or Draco.

"What am I going to do?" She whispered, wrapping her other arm around his neck so she was sobbing into his chest. "I worked with him, and we lived together.."

Harry didn't answer her. They had made a silent agreement that he'd stay with her now, since he had nowhere to go. Sirius had offered his home until Harry could pick himself back up, but Harry refused. Remus, Professor Lupin, had also suggested living in with him, making his potion once a month. Harry apologized and said no, giving the reason that Hermione needed him right now. They accepted the logical answer, but not without suggesting that Hermione should also live with them. Harry hadn't even brought it up with her. He didn't plan to.

"Hey." Someone placed their hand on Harry's shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Harry looked up at Mr. Weasley, who had a soft look on his face. His eyes were red, and rimmed with tears, but he smiled. "We're heading back to the house. Do you two want to join us? It would mean so much to Molly and myself."

"I'm sorry, sir, " Harry shook his head, rubbing Hermione's back softly. "I think 'Mione's had enough for one day." Mr. Weasley's smile faded, but Harry said quickly, "Of course we'll stop by later tonight, after we've calmed a bit, sir."

"Thank you, Harry." Mr. Weasley whispered, his voice low, "Molly's had such a horrible past few days. I think It'd mean a lot to her if you two came over."

"We understand." Harry nodded before giving the man a half hug. Hermione hugged him too, kissing his cheek before Harry directed her out of the cemetery to apparate back to their house.

*~End Flashback~*

*~_Hesitating there's no second chance _

When you know you're a loser 

Keep on trying to keep an open mind 

I'm caught in a circle~*

Draco sat his fork down, wiping his hands on his napkin politely and swallowing his food before looking at Fred, who in turn looked back.

"What?" Fred asked, and Draco's lip curled into a slight smile.

"Potter's coming back."

"What?!" Fred's fork dropped onto the plate, then fell onto the floor. His wife, Anna, bent over and picked it up. "What are you talking about? Hermione said that he wasn't going to snap out of it!"

"He did." Draco nodded, raising an eyebrow, "And I think any day now he'll be coming around and checking himself out."

"Is he going to be living with you again?"

"Eh, dunno." Draco shrugged, his mouth twitching from trying not to smile.

Fred held up his wine glass, along with Anna, and Draco held up his glass of beer. "To Ron and Harry."

They clinked their glasses before drinking some. Draco kept silent for the most part of the rest of their meal, while Fred was talking animatedly about something he was working on for Sirius's new spell. The only thing Draco thought about was Harry, wondering if Harry really _would_ leave St. Mungos.

*~_Emotionless I slip into the crack _

Feel as though I've fell into the blue 

Hallucinating there's no turning back 

Everyone around me smoking crack~*

Harry signed the last signature form on the paper before he was officially released. It was now Thursday, August 3rd. He had been thinking the past three days about what Draco had said, and it made sense now. Harry knew he couldn't be afraid forever of the commitment he'd have to make if he ever wanted to leave St. Mungos.

"Would you like us to call the Knight Bus for you, Mr. Potter?" Tony asked, handing Harry's belongings over - his contacts and wand, his cloak and hat. Everything he had on his body six months prior when he had been admitted.

"No thanks." Harry smiled, shaking his head. "I'm never going near that thing again."

Tony nodded, smiling. "Good luck, Mr. Potter."

"It's Harry." Harry said before giving one last smile and apparated away, finding himself on Draco's doorstep.

He knocked lightly, and heard some clattering as Draco tried to get to the door.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR, MASTER!" His house elf squealed, laughing hysterically. "YOU TRICKED ME!"

"Sh! I did not!" Draco replied, pretending to be indignant. They quieted down before the door opened a bit. Draco stuck his head out, and grinned when he saw Harry on his doorstep. "Look what the cat dragged in."

Harry raised an eyebrow before Draco enveloped him in a tight hug, swearing in a whisper that he was never going to let him go.

*~_Just walk away _

If you even heard a word I said~*

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Whoa! I just realized how like..perfect that song 'Said' is..well, that last line, anyway. Hope you liked it.

A sequel may be in the making. Or a prequel, describing Voldemort's downfall and Ron's death in more detail. Whatever you guys want.


End file.
